i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
