I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
