Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dick very happy bro
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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