dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
