Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
