Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
