Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
