My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
