I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
why is half of my head shaved?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
