we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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