My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
