he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
this just has baby written all over it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch