I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.