i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
