I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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