Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?