When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
