Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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