so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
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I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
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Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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