Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
