So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my shit smells like andre
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
