Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
