And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
