tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
