WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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