Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
