I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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