I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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