did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
