She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
