Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We need to rekindle our bromance
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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