I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
