i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish i was in the wii world.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
