Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
