You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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