So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
