my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
