I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
