I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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