Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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