just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I am naked and annoyed.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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