i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
