it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.