I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.