just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
