"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
