why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
