u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
