he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
