eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
