My room smells like vodka and shame
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just cropdusted the office
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
