I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
