I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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