I don't think brook has ever known best
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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