I wish I only lived at night.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
