You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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