I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
