NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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