Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
what day is it and did you see me today?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
