Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
