talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
