right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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