Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
