My nipple is on Facebook.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
