My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
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