Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
