I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
