she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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