My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
