The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
