i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
