letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
