Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
