so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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