about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
