You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
