i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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