Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
