I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
