my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
