To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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