Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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