dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
