He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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