...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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