Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So many bounce houses so little time
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
