I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
