I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
