He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
