We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
